"Bound to Be" sermon on September 4
Scripture: Matthew 18:15-20
Reading Matthew’s 18th chapter this week, I was reminded of A.J. Jacobs. I don’t know if you remember him, but A.J. Jacobs is the guy who wrote “The Year of Living Biblically.” A few years ago, he set out on a quest to, as he called it, “live the ultimate biblical life.” Weary with people who say they interpret the Bible literally, he set out to actually do it—to follow every single rule of the Bible as literally as possible. Jacobs obeyed the famous rules: the 10 Commandments, love thy neighbor, be fruitful and multiply… but he also strove to obey the more obscure demands of Scripture: Do not wear clothes of mixed fibers, do not shave your beard, stone adulterers… It’s funny and smart. About the book and the year-long experiment, Jacobs wrote, “I decided to dive in headfirst. To try to experience the Bible myself and find out what’s good in it, and what’s maybe not so relevant to the 21st century.” [1]
I thought of him this week as I read our story from Matthew’s gospel, where Jesus seems to be giving some pretty clear guidance to members of the church who find themselves in conflict. I wondered, “Is this good and applicable? Or maybe not so relevant to our time?” Could the church today do well to literally follow Jesus’ advice?
If someone in the church sins against you, what should you do? Jesus says that you should go to that person by yourself and point out what he or she has done. Seems like simple, sound advice: just go talk to the person. Be honest and direct. Start out with something like, “My friend, I’m here to bring to your attention something that you did that harmed me—something sinful.” Have you ever tried that one?
“If you are not listened to,” Jesus advises, “take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” Because nothing leads to right relationship like four people showing up at your door so that one of them can convince you that you’ve done something wrong. Still Jesus goes on, “If plans A and B fail, get the entire church involved, and if the offender still refuses to listen, let that one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector.” Move on. Game over. Relationship over. But the added bonus is that now the entire church got to witness the drama.
What if we attempted to live that one out? To truly be a “biblical church” when it came to Matthew 18 and our approach to conflict resolution? What if, after a church potluck, Nancy took home Judith’s crock pot by mistake? They look alike, sort of, and Nancy was in a hurry to get home and load it up with chili for the Packer game at her neighbor’s house, which she did. Only some of the chili sloshed out onto the cord which was subsequently chewed through by the neighbor’s cat, resulting in a useless crock pot and a jittery cat. And what if, upon realizing the mix-up, Judith called Nancy to let her know, and what if Nancy switched the crock pots back without saying a word? Next Sunday rolls around and before leaving for church Judith sticks a roast in the crock pot, plugs it in, and POP—the lights go out. She examines the pot, the outlet, the cord… and finds the teeth marks just as her family is walking out to the car. Time for church.
By the time they get there, Judith has convinced herself that Nancy wouldn’t have done such a thing. She couldn’t have known that the cord was ruined. She’s sure, in fact, that they’ll have a nice laugh about it. A few minutes before worship, Nancy steps into the restroom and Judith follows. Standing there at the sink, she lets her know what happened—about the cord and about the roast, which is now back in her refrigerator, cold. “Oh, I didn’t know,” Nancy says. That’s it. No apology and not a hint of taking any responsibility. Judith is still smiling, but only barely. “My crock pot is ruined,” she says. "Your cat’s teeth marks are all over the cord.” “I don’t have a cat,” is Nancy’s reply. “Maybe my neighbor’s cat chewed it up during the game.”
During worship, Judith can hardly stand it. Singing, praying, listening to the sermon… the whole time she’s seething with anger. During the Prayers of the People she even concocts a scheme whereby she and her husband stay home from church the following Sunday so that they can break into Nancy’s house to steal the crock pot. But then at some point, she regains her senses and decides to take a more biblical approach. On Tuesday afternoon, Judith pulls into Nancy’s driveway and gets out of the car, along with Diane, Evelyn, and Beatrice. The four of them march up to the front porch and Judith rings the bell. When Nancy opens the door they can all smell the Italian beef simmering in the kitchen. “We’re here to talk about the crock pot,” Judith says. Nancy replies, “Look, I told you, it was my neighbor’s cat—I can give you her phone number.” “Look,” says Judith, “I don’t really care about the crock pot itself. Sure it’d be nice if you’d buy me a replacement cord or even give me your functional crock pot. What I’d really like at this point, though, is an apology.” “You brought Diane, Evelyn, and Beatrice to my house to ask me for an apology?” Nancy asks. “No, I won’t do it.”
“Fine,” says Judith. She expected nothing more from Nancy the crock pot destroyer. It’s time for phase three. The next Sunday in church, the pastor asks the congregation if there are any announcements and Judith raises her hand and stands up. “Yes. I have an announcement,” she says. “Nancy Smith ruined my crock pot.” To be sure, I am not often tongue-tied, but I have absolutely no idea what I would do if one of you said such a thing in church. In this sanctuary you could dance around the room, burst into flames, or speak in tongues, and I think I’d have a better response than if you publicly accused someone of wrecking a small kitchen appliance.
“Tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector,” Jesus says. That sounds utterly horrifying, doesn’t it? Can you imagine a congregation functioning that way? Processing internal conflicts publicly with the option of excommunication? Can you imagine an entire church showing up like a flash mob in Nancy Smith’s front lawn? Can you imagine Nancy, who stayed home from worship on the morning of Judith’s announcement, sitting there in her house, peeking out through the curtains to see her friends holding signs reading, “Apologize today!” and “A Crock Pot replacement cord costs $9.99 on amazon.com!”? [2]
So ok. Maybe we’re not supposed to read Matthew 18 literally. Maybe it worked fine back then, but maybe Jesus’ three steps to peace and harmony in the church are a little extreme for life today. But here’s the question. What do we do when we find ourselves in conflict? The truth is that in today’s “civilized” society, we have some pretty barbaric ways of handling our frustrations.
Today Judith ignores Nancy. Almost completely. Better to pretend Nancy doesn’t exist than to have to deal with her anymore. So in groups large and small, Judith acts as though Nancy’s not even in the room. No words, no eye contact.
Or today Judith suppresses her feelings and smothers Nancy with kindness. To look at them you’d think they were best friends, and maybe they are. But deep within Judith there’s resentment brewing and it’s going to come out one way or another. Today Judith can’t look at Nancy without thinking about the crock pot.
Or today Judith sabotages Nancy. Granted, she doesn’t sneak into the house and chew through her power cord, but she quietly undermines Nancy’s life. In church, in the community, in social settings, Judith takes an opportunity now and then to bring attention to Nancy’s shortcomings. A little gossip here and there—mostly harmless stuff, really, but also brief reminders that Nancy cannot be trusted. And so Judith’s friendship with Nancy is one simmering with vengeance.
So which is more far-fetched? Jesus’ three-step plan in Matthew 18 or the way most folks tend to handle conflict today: ignore, suppress, or sabotage? Maybe we should try the biblical model. The thing it has going for it is the fact that it is community-driven. Still, this is one case where a literal interpretation might not unfold so nicely. We’re not going to create a forum for the public airing of grievances here at church, for example.
But then what should we take from Matthew 18? Should we chalk the whole passage up to outdated social customs, or does the gospel have something to say to us here? In my mind the message that emerges is not a step-by-step procedure for handling conflict, but rather Christ’s urgent appeal that his church can only exist as a community—that as members of the church we are bound together. It can be no other way, Jesus says here.
When I preach, I try not to assume too much about people, but I would bet that most of us in this room have at least one relationship in our lives that’s built in part on an unspoken agreement to avoid conflict. The frustrations, the wounds, the sins of the past, the damage done… The great irony is that we sweep it all under the rug for the sake of a good relationship. But the relationship isn’t good if it’s built on that rug.
Jesus says that the community can’t be a community if its people are not committed to living openly and honestly with one another. And then, to further emphasize the role of Christian community, Jesus teaches that “if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name,” he says, “I am there among them.” Now to tell you the truth, I’m not always sure what to make of that. I’ve been a part of many prayer gatherings where we all seemed to agree about what were asking God to do, and it didn’t happen. What I do know is this: Jesus saw that the only way for his church to move forward was as a community of believers deeply committed to life together.
That’s the message. That’s the gospel. Not a step-by-step guide for resolving conflict in the 21st Century, thank goodness, but rather a command that we stick together no matter what, thank God! Brothers and sisters may we be blessed as we strive to live together in Christian Community. Amen.
1. Check out A.J. Jacobs' website.
2. I had Judith and Nancy's "crock-pot war" in mind when I read Barbara Brown Taylor's sermon, "Family Fights" in The Seeds of Heaven, which includes a similar back-and-forth involving a ruined lawn mower. (It was her idea to have the church gathered in the offender's front lawn carrying signs.) As always, I'm grateful for her creative voice.
